I almost didn't write anything today. My inspiration seems to be lacking today. I've mentioned before the way this place I work in can drain you of any 'life-force' you have. I was moved to think about this at lunch time. I was sat with some of the girls from Marketing and we were talking about all of the usual stuff girls talk about (I was out numbered) like shoes, make-up, etc... but then we got on to company protocol for sickness...
I am now on an AIP (Absence Improvement Plan) due to the number of days sickness I've had in a rolling 12-month period (12 if you were wondering on 3 occasions). I find this fairly amusing as a 'colleague' of mine has had nearly 3 times the amount of occasions and 4 times the number of days...this person is not on an AIP...you see this person is best friends with their boss so: when they are sick they are given it as ANNUAL LEAVE! Is it any wonder I struggle to be civil to my 'COLLEAGUES'?!
I've been thinking about what gets me through a day at work and I feel it's the few things that I have listed below:

• My work friends - the people who I e-mail and shoot the shit with (you know who you are if you're reading this)
• My external sources of encouragement and joy (again you know who you are and you WILL be reading this)
• The knowledge that no matter how bad it is...I get to leave this dump as soon as the USCIS grant me my visa and I can go and do what I WANT to be doing in America

So, there really is no rhyme or reason to this entry in my on-line bitching forum except that it got my grievance out into the un-told space of the internet allowing me to now get on with my day and look forwards. It also gave me chance to thank those of you I hold dear even if it's not an actual 'Thank You'.

Slanté.

Protestation...

Have you ever notice how people who are in the wrong often protest the loudest? When faced with cold fact and evidence it makes them angry, as if you have done them some personal harm. This sort of reaction makes me wonder about how the mind works and how much peoples personalities affect our actions.
Logically, if our argument is knockled down by truth and understanding - there can be no argument. With a relaxed temperament and cool head one might accept defeat. I have noticed that 9 out of 10 people can't hack it. they don't realise that it's over. Fact is Fact. I can be like this at times. When you KNOW something is a certain way, you just KNOW it...then someone shows you that you're wrong...it's not an easy thing to live with. My brain tells me: Oops, sorry about that but my pig-headed attitude some to the front and says: No. We're right. We KNOW we're right! They're wrong! Screw them! Telling me I'm wrong! I'm going to prove I'm right by shouting!
It's a strange thing. I used to do this a lot. I couldn't face the fact that I was wrong. Lately I've been more open to this concept. Taking a step back and doing the 'count to 10' thing your Mam always told you to do. I think I've been doing this because I simply can't be bothered with confrontation anymore. I try to accept my short-comings for what they are and realise they make me a stronger person if I'd only try to understand them.
I don't mean to change myself. Far from it! I actually LIKE me. A LOT! I don't mean to change others either. I think what I'm seeking to change is an idea. The idea that if you are wrong and the other person is right you can't accept it. The idea that if you believe in something so strongly it is irrefutible. I'm not seeking to belittle faith in any way either (I have a strong faith and that is what guides me), no matter what someone has faith in I think it is a great thing. Even if sometimes I didsagree with their Faith makes it no less true. This is the Joy of Faith. I am merely talking about when you're wrong in your opinion. Try to accept it and move on.
One thins I would never argue is belief in oneself. Confidence is something we all ahould have. There are many stigmas around the world which lead to people being bullied, tormented and hurt. We should know that the person isn't just what we perceive them to be. They are much more if we'd simply let them, encourage them.
I'm not sure what this is about in the end. I think your opinion of it matters. If you believe it strongly enough, leave a comment. Tell me what I mean!

mothers...

My mother does something she calls a thought for the week for the pupils at the school she works at. These are generally religious in nature as she works in a Catholic Primary School. The one she asked me to type this week was a quote from Mother Teresa that I had introduced her to. I will tell you the story now.

A reporter was interviewing Mother Teresa once, and they were discussing te work she did in Calcutta. This reporter was asking her what she did, how she accomplished it, and what she hoped to achieve over all. Mother Teresa explained that she wanted her actions to inspire others and change the way the world treats its 'Poor'. To this the cynical reporter said: But you must realise, what you do is like the tiniest of drops in the ocean!'

In response Mother Teresa smiled at him and said: 'My son, the ocean is made up of tiny drops.'

I think that this is a beautiful way of looking at things. Even if you think what you do for others is a driop in the ocean bear in mind that without your little drop...there would be NO ocean! There are so many ways of saying this. for example I remember another story which I often used as a prayer session when I was working with young people at the Briars:

A succesful business man was enjoying a walk on a beach one morning and was puzzled to see a young girl picking up a stranded Starfish, look at it and throw it back into the surf. The man thought this foolish and decided to teach the Young Girl about how the world works. He walked up to her and said: 'little girl, look beyond your feet and see that there are thousands of Starfish stranded on the beach. You can't possible save them all. What you are doing doesn't matter.'

The young girl picked up another starfish, looked at it, smiled, and tossed it into the ocean. She then looked the business man square in the eyes and said: 'it matters to that one.'

You see, no matter how often we are put down for wanting to help people. No matter how insignnificant it may seem even to ourselves remember: what we do matters to someone.

Remember Schindler: 'To save one life, is to save the world entire.'

Lock Down, Late in...

Well this is going to be a RANT!
It seems that every single e-mail I send or recieve (including internal ones) are being scanned or read or whatever it is IT can do to your e-mails! As you may or may not know I'm quite the social butterfly and I'm a mean typist...so I have people in and out of work who I have conversations with throughout the day and this doesn't eat into my work load (not even doing this does to be fair). Even so I find myself trying to NOT e-mail my friends as much as I don't want to get into trouble...even though I'm not passing on any sensetive information...how can you work like that?! It's really starting to bug me! COME ON VISA!
As for the 'late in' part of the rant well...here goes. I am now on what is called a Personal Improvment Plan for the number of days sickness I've had over the past year (as if I can help being ill). Basically it's an agreement which states: You've been ill too many times. Stop it. It's over 6months and I have to make a conscious effort to not get ill...bear in mind I'm an asthmatic and we're just going into winter...breathing aint gonna be easy at times! BUT, the thing that annoys me is that a 'colleague' of mine has had nearly twice the amount of sickness as I have and is 25 minutes late EVERY DAY! Is this person on a PIP?! NO! You see, the boss likes this person! It makes my blood boil! So, I'm moving to America...how can that make you mad at me?! I've given you MONTHS of notice! But if they think they're going to make me leave early they've another thing coming! I'm made of sterner stuff than that...you're stuck with me. Lump it!

RANT OVER!

So, it's Friday. Crunchie day. I've not got the Friday feeling I usually have due to me working at 6am tomorrow morning but still I find myself (despite the above) in a fairly jolly mood. The sun's out, and there's a smile on my face. I think I shall dedicate my day to mooching around doing my job, perusing things to buy on the internet, and looking for a job for someone.
However you spend your Friday please enjoy it! I'll see you all next week. I promise to be happier...screw the lot of them!

Inspirational Quotes

'Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end.'
My little sister once gave me a book made of leaves and recycled paper. It's lovely. In this book she had written quotes to help me through life; for times when things get tough, guidance in general, even things to remember when you're ridiculously happy.
I tell you this because I was reading it last night and basically opened it at a random page to read the above. I thought this was quite apt for my life at the moment. There are people who I care about and love (in some cases) who are going through a...bad patch. This is where I find life to be VERY hard. I'm usually the optimistic, happy-go-lucky sort of fella who barely lets badness break his gait. But when you see people around you in trouble or not happy it becomes hard to keep this positive focus. You can feel pretty helpless and downright useless to be honest because in these cases there is generally nothing you can do to help. You can't make that difference that will help them along the way.
This is true. However, there are some things that you don't realise you're doing that make the world of difference to the people going through a tricky part in their lives. You don't realise the profound affect you can have on people by simply giving them space, bringing them a beer, talking about ANYTHING that's not related to what they're going through. These things (that may seem pointless to you) actually make people feel as if things are on the up. For that briefest moment things are ok. I want to refer to a film called The Shawshank Redemption. At one point the protagonist, Andy, manages to get the head 'screw' to provide a few beers for his co-workers as they tar a roof. He sits there with a smile on his face because he knows that in that moment 'with the sun on our faces and an ice cold beer in our hands...we felt free.'
So, to the point. When I started this the point was to share a few Inspirational Quotes with you. But it seems I have been giving a pep-talk on how to deal with people who are having troubles. Simply be there and talk. Be there and listen. Be there and give a break to what may seem an endless tunnel with no light for the person you're with.
You never know, you may make a difference simply by sitting in silence. It seems like a small thing in an ocean of troubles but, as Mother Teresa said:
'The ocean is made up of little drops.'

8-0-3!

Gran Canaria is AMAZING! I loved the place! I figured I'd update the world on what went on...hold on to your hats!
The week was quality. I've not had that much fun in years! I don't think I could do it justice fully in a blog! We ate, we drank, we had a party on our balcony! It's safe to say that the 'Lads of 803' were the life and soul of the apartments!
Here is a brief overview of what we got up to...a flavour if you will...
We arrived on Sunday and went immediately to 'the fry up shop'...excellent. Chilled by the pool and went out.
Monday we went to Amadores beach and saw a man nearly die! Monday also saw the start of the world's first 803 golf tournament...CRAZY! Tuesday saw the boys venture to a bar called TROPICANA'S...18euros and that was us set up for drinks all night...Vodka flowed and drinking competitions led by the DJ started...we ended up sitting around in our boxers and it was as if it didn't even matter! beautiful! Naked women everywhere! Wednesday was the day of the BBQ...and the boys party on the balcony! We went down in Cala Nova History that day...
You know what...I'm not doing this justice at all. Suffice it to say the week rocked!
I'd like to change my tone here. Friendship comes and goes in this life but you know you're among proper friends (albeit younger friends) when you don't have to make an effort to enjoy yourself. So, for that...Gentlemen, I thank you.
When you're on holiday it seems easier to befriend people. Have you ever noticed your attitude change? You're more open, you almost SEEK people to be with. It's great. We made some great friends in Puerto Rico and I intend to keep in contact with each of them. Especially the couple over the wall in 804. Great GREAT people. Holiday made me think a lot about how judgemental we can be in every day life and how when we go away from our regular surroundings we seem to give people more of a chance to get in. We let our guard down.
I'd like to encourage this where possible in real life. Yes, it's true it may open us up to being let down more often but I think the bonuses would far outweigh the negatives.

It's been a long time...

I had intended to give a holiday BLOG when I returned. I was then struck down by a Chest Infection so I was unable to do so. I have decided to do a few as and when I can. Little BLOGs that go through the immense amount of things that have happened recently in this thing I call my life!
So, this is an update to tell you where I am and what I am going to do. Keep your eyes peeled for the next installment I shall call 8-0-3!

Exciting Times...

Guess what I had in the post today...a letter fomr the STATES! That's right, you guessed it...It wasn't anything to do with my visa. GUTTED! It was information about my job from my new boss. But hey, at least it's something about my new life...that I'm waiting for it to begin!
So, I go away without any news but I'm pleased with the brief excitement I had this morning when my darling Dad rang me and said: Seán! You've got a letter from the States! Bless him.
Earlier I promised something philosophical this afternoon if I had chance...I'm at a different building this afternoon and it's really quiet so...I've got the chance.
I would like to talk to you about special places. I'm not being seedy here. I have been collecting places throughout my life that I use as a place to go and escape, to sit with my thoughts and thrash out my ideas and worries in my little head.
I think we all have places or things that we feel comfortable with. When you were a child you may have had a favourite Teddy or a blanket that you went EVERYWHERE with. I've been thinking about this quite a bit recently as I've not been to one of my special places in a while and I'm pleased to say that the only pull there is the people. Not any issues. The pattern in my places is the people there who make me feel welcome, loved, and wanted. You see I think places are what they are due to the people within. It's like the Church. A Church is a building of bricks and mortar, THE Church is the people gathering within it's walls to celebrate together. I would suggest we all have these places even if we don't acknowledge them as such.
Another use is inspiration. I have 2 places I go to escape and get inspired. There are no people here. I have one that I haven't been to in 6 years (it's been THAT long). It's at the Briars. I used to climb out of the 'Attic' bedroom windows and sit on the roof to gaze out across Derbyshire. the other is NEAR the Briars. A walk we used to call the SCARY CHASE. As you turned towards the near vertical drop we used to guide Young People down there is an out-crop of Rock. You can sit on this rock and look out over the forest..you can see the sun breaking through patches of cloud. One of the most beautiful places on Earth.
Anyway, the philosophy. I think we get through life with our own little supports. Our places or people who help and guide us, allow us to throw things around and let us just BE.
If you don't have anything like this I feel sorry for you and would urge you: Find somewhere, find someone. Be yourself and get all of troubles out there. It helps. Like my BLOG...it's to get things off my chest and you never know; maybe help a few people somehow!
Have a lovely week. I'll tell you all about mine when I'm back!

Holiday...Celebrate!

Now then! It's my last day at work until the 15th September! GET IN! I'm off to Gran Canaria tomorrow and I CAN'T wait! You see, I've decided I rather deserve this break. All I seem to have been doing this year is waiting, facing disappointment, and being frustrated by the US immigration people! So I'm off for 'Fun, Fun, Fun' as Noah and The Whale sing!
Today no-one can get me down! The end is near and there's actually nothing they (the people I work with) can do about it. Myself and my little brother will be on a lpane tomorrow and getting ready to...what's the phrase?? Get on it! BOOM (that's what some of the cool kids say these days apparently)!
I wanted to talk about something deep and meaningful today (and I might do later...if you're lucky), I wanted to give you something to think about in my absence, some Farrell-Philosophy, a thinker. But, I'm in too much of a buzzing mood to do it at the minute.
Maybe this afternoon. But, my fine friends, if not I shall bid you all farewell. Don't miss me too much and...I'd love to say I'll be thinking of you but...I honestly wont!

Today is not bright. Today is not Orange!

I can't believe how dull it is today! It seems winter is well and truely here. My mood today is not helped by the fact that Stella is still with me...I have sluggish eyes. Not good.

Anyway, I thought (even with my sluggish attitude) I'd try and cheer up the day some...with my lovely photo (eyes left). I didn't take it...I found it on Google!

SO, I'm armed with a Latte and ready for the off.

I'm going for one of my 'take that frown and flip it' ambles today!

Autumn is one of my favourite seasons. It is a season of photographic opportunity and think about it...is there really anything better than taking a stroll all wrapped up against the elements and kicking through the golden-brown leaves? When you get home you have a cup of cocoa to warm your cockles and sit infront of the fire (if you have one).

Have you noticed that winter food is better too!? Hot-Pots, caseroles, pies, and chunky soup! MUCH better than salad! I hope that I have cheered your day up in some way...even if it's just the thought of chunky wholesome soup! When you're feeling down about the state of the weather think of the fun of autumn and look forward to winter. Gotta love making snowmen!

Bet you weren't expecting that!

Lock Down!

Well...it's been 8months since I was at risk of redundancy. It seems the next round of them is about to start. People I like at work are 'At Risk' again and to add insult to injury it is now impossible to send e-mails to any external address (hotmail, gmail and so on). It is with sadness that I realise one of my main sources of entertainment and sanity has now been restricted.
I have touched on how I sometimes feel about work before and days like today just dont do my mood any good whatsoever! 'The Company' take 1 further step towards suffocating the masses it refers to as 'Colleagues'. Can you believe how...militant company's can be?! No internet access without Director sign off (supposedly!), no external e-mails - in or out - without Directors sign off, and now I can't even e-mail my personal account with stuff I do for my visa (or jokes and funny pics!).
So, enjoy your internet-based freedom if you have it and feel free to send me things. This is fine. Please don't ask questions though as I wont be abel to respond!
From my cyber-prison I bid you - Good Day!

Countdown...Live your life

Without any planning whatsoever I have managed to book my holiday for next week...right after a long weekend...it doesn't get better! Back to work after a nice relaxing time for a SHORT week and then flying to Gran Canaria after the England match on Saturday?! AWESOME!
So I'm officially on countdown. 4days of work and then I'm off. Sun, Sea, Sand, and San Miguel! Beautiful. I think I look at life as a series of goals, things to aim for and look towards. I find that this helps me through times when it seems that nothing is going my way. I would suggest this would be a good outlook on life. Here's what I try to do:
I think that EVERYTHING has good in it no matter how bad it seems. You just need to look hard enough.
People should be trusted until they prove un-trustworthy.
No matter how hard you think your life is always remember: there is ALWAYS someone worse off than you.
I'm not too sure why I tell you this. I have mentioned before my positive outlook on life and I pride myself by this. But, I'm human and sometimes for reasons I can't even fathom I'm in a bad place surrounded by hate, blame, and mis-trust. It is then that my secret weapon comes into play...My Family (and I'm not just talking about my ACTUAL family). There is a great many people in my life who know me very well. There are others (such as my immediate family and people I would call my chosen family) who know me better than I know myself. Whenever I am down they enter the fray and bring me home again and for that I thank every single one of you (if you are close enough you know who you are). The best saying I have heard and a saying I live by is:
Friends are the family you choose for yourself
I am lucky enough to have an amazing family in every way. Despite the distance between me and some of them they are there...like stars in a cloudy night; You might not see them but you know they're there.